📝Writer EggU Counselor Mi-yan
When I hear the term "women's happiness," I, a person born in the Showa era, recall commonly used words like "marriage," "childbirth," and "raising children." I think this is because I grew up hearing these words from my grandparents and parents.
However, times are changing, and while there are still families where traditional division of roles remains, gender equality has become an important social issue, and the idea that "women = staying at home" has shifted to an era where women are also developing their careers and the idea that "becoming a mother is a woman's joy" is no longer everything.
Yes, I think there is a growing awareness that we live in an age where women can choose to find happiness as women and as people, whether they have children or not.
At the same time, we are hearing more and more women say , "I don't know if I want children . " This seems to be especially true among women of the right age for pregnancy and childbirth.
Wavering feelings
There are many factors to consider when deciding whether or not you want to have children.
As I wrote at the beginning, values have changed with the times, and there are countless other reasons to consider. Among these, I would like to introduce some of the things I have come to realize through counseling at EggU and working with women in their 20s and 30s.
1. Prioritizing self-actualization and pregnancy, childbirth, and child-rearing
This can come from fears that having a child will limit not only one's career, but also one's hobbies, the things one values, time, and freedom. Pregnancy and childbirth are particularly difficult events, as they bring about major changes in a woman's life, both mentally and physically. Another major issue is the lack of social understanding and support.
2. Financial and social pressures
Having another child naturally means an increased financial burden. It may also lead to people questioning their own outlook on life, rebelling against the "common sense" that comes from their parents and society: "You should have children."
3. Fear of the unknown
Having a child is an irreversible and responsible thing. Your relationship with your parents can have a big impact on your values. Some people may feel anxious about their future and wonder if they can handle it.
4. Parental Responsibilities
Some people question the idea of having a child from an ethical and philosophical perspective, asking, "Isn't it selfish to have a child in a world that is full of crime, the world situation, and not all happiness?"
Solutions and what we can do
When I was wondering whether I really wanted children, I often heard easy words like, "It's good to have children," and "It can be difficult at times, but your own children are cute, so it'll be okay."
Each time, I would simply rebel against other people's opinions, saying, "It's none of my business," and never really thought deeply about why I didn't understand. I simply rebelled against the majority view that "a life with children = a happy life."
But the important thing is to listen to your own heart . It's not about whether it's good or bad, but about how you want to live your life and how having a child will affect that vision .
It is also important to gather information about what kind of financial, physical, and psychological support is available for pregnancy, childbirth, and child-rearing .
It is also very important to communicate with others about their experiences and how they have reached their conclusions, especially what your partner thinks and what their thoughts are about child-rearing. Making the unknown visible is also an important process in thinking about your own way of being.
By digging deeper into the question of "why you don't understand," you can begin to see things that are best for you and clarify your ideal family image as a couple . Sometimes it's a good idea to seek the help of a third-party expert to help you sort out your feelings.
EggU supports modern women in making the choices and living their lives that are true to themselves . Are you unsure about the decisions you should make at major life milestones like pregnancy and childbirth? Whether you're someone who just wants to sort out your feelings, or someone who wants to move forward but doesn't know where to start, why not try EggU counseling? We offer counseling from a variety of perspectives, including career, life, fertility, menstruation, and childcare!
📝Writer EggU Counselor Mi-yan
After obtaining a nursing qualification in Australia, she experienced marriage, pregnancy, infertility, pregnancy, and childbirth in her late 30s, and struggled with her career and life plans. Currently working as a nurse, she also works as an EggU counselor and career/life coach.
