~The path of infertility treatment I chose in my 40s that suited me, and an unexpected turn of events~
🌿Inside EggU🌿 A column about the experiences, thoughts, and values of EggU members
📝Writer EggU Counselor Mi-yan
As a counselor at EggU, I support many women in their lives, and I am currently facing a new phase in my own pregnancy and childbirth journey.
What I want to share with you is not a perfect success story, but a life-sized story. I would like to openly share the struggles and decision-making process I faced while balancing work and child-rearing while undergoing fertility treatment overseas, as well as the unexpected turn of events.
Living life as you want in your 20s and 30s, then facing the reality of trying to conceive
My 20s and early 30s were a time when I kept believing in my own potential and kept running. Career advancement, studying abroad, working holiday, attending university abroad, traveling... While I was working as a nurse in Australia and vaguely thinking, "I want to have children someday," I first enjoyed doing the things I wanted to do to my heart's content.
Before I knew it, I got married in my late 30s. I got pregnant with my first child at 36 and gave birth at 37. I have no regrets about the choices I made up to that point. However, as I got older, the signs my body was giving me became harder to ignore.
Nowadays, people are getting married later in life, and it is not uncommon for women to have their first child in their late 30s, like me. However, when it comes to having a second child, a new hurdle stands in the way. And that is exactly what I found myself facing.
The journey of infertility treatment began with "It can't be me"
I'll be honest. Before I became involved with EggU, I had a vague idea that infertility treatment was something that only people with gynecological problems underwent.
I have never had irregular periods, and I have rarely suffered from menstrual cramps or PMS. I have no gynecological illnesses either. So somewhere in my mind, I thought, "If I wanted to have a child, I would be able to do it right away."
Of course, I knew that age had a big impact on pregnancy and childbirth, but I can't deny that I was a bit careless and thought, "Could it really be me?"
When I became pregnant naturally with my daughter at the age of 36, I actually had to try to conceive for about a year. However, because I had already accomplished what I wanted to do in my 20s and 30s and had built a career in Australia, I was able to give birth with a sense of fulfillment, of having "done everything I could."
From trying to conceive a second child to infertility treatment: How to face reality
When my daughter turned one, I started trying to conceive a second child. I was already 38 years old and had drawn up my own roadmap: "Try to conceive for six months, and if that doesn't work, move on to the next step."
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) definition:
"1 Infertility is defined as a one-year period of infertility, but if a woman is 35 years of age or older, testing may begin after six months of infertility."
Knowing this, I started undergoing tests six months into trying to conceive with my second child. However, this process was not easy. I think many people have experienced the difficulty of getting on the same page with their partner.
Finally, two years after we started trying to conceive, we were finally able to start full-scale infertility treatment in Australia, just before our daughter turned three. We underwent two rounds of IVF, but unfortunately we were unsuccessful in getting pregnant. Then, just as we were about to try the third cycle, something unexpected happened.
Why I decided on a deadline: sorting out my feelings and making decisions for the future
In the world of infertility treatment, there are many people who are forced into a long-term battle, saying things like, "It's been eight years," "It's the tenth cycle," or "I've experienced multiple miscarriages."
Faced with this reality, I asked myself a question.
"What do I want to do?"
Will I continue fertility treatment for years?
"What is the goal?"
"When is it time to quit?"
After thinking about the distortions that continuing infertility treatment would cause in our partnership, how I would face myself as a mother of my first child, and above all, the limits of my own mind and body, I came to the conclusion that I needed to "set a deadline."
In my case, I decided to focus on infertility treatment until my 41st birthday. This meant that if I hadn't been able to conceive by that date, I would give up on my dream of having two children.
An unexpected turn of events: natural pregnancy during infertility treatment
But life has its twists and turns, and just as we were about to begin our third round of IVF, we found out we had conceived naturally.
The joy of being blessed with a long-awaited second child is hard to put into words. But at the same time, being pregnant at over 40 years old also brings with it various risks. As an EggU counselor with medical knowledge, I was well aware of the risks of pregnancy at an advanced age, and so I had mixed emotions from the early to mid-stages of pregnancy.
Every day has been filled with a mixture of joy and anxiety. I have alternated between relief and tension with each checkup until today. Even now, I am experiencing some pregnancy troubles, but I am hoping that I can somehow make it to my due date.
My experience shows that life never goes as planned. I chose to undergo infertility treatment, set a deadline, and prepared myself for it, only to find myself unexpectedly pregnant.
I found a strong ally: the importance of professional support
One of the important things I learned during my infertility treatment journey is the importance of not dealing with it alone. Even if you are not receiving treatment overseas, there is no guarantee of success, and because it is a sensitive area, anxiety and feelings of loneliness can be even stronger.
What gave me emotional support during this time was EggU's fertility/infertility support . While I myself work as an EggU counselor, I also used this service from the start of my infertility treatment until I became pregnant, and I realized its value. It's hard to talk about infertility treatment with those around you. For me, it was truly invaluable as a place to manage my treatment schedule and have someone listen to my vague anxieties.
This time, especially as I was pregnant at an advanced age, I felt a mixture of joy and complicated emotions, and I was unable to confide in many people. At such times, being able to talk to a trusted infertility counselor and midwife with specialized knowledge was an immeasurable source of emotional support.
The concerns we women have about trying to get pregnant and undergoing infertility treatment are not just medical. They cover a wide range of issues, including relationships with partners, balancing work and pregnancy, and anxiety about the future. Having a specialist who can comprehensively understand all of these and provide support is an invaluable guiding light on this long journey. If you're interested, please click on this link for more details.
Finally - for those who have the same problem
From my own experience, I would like to share with you the importance of proceeding at your own pace. Whether you decide to try infertility treatment, give up, or accept unexpected developments, the most important thing is to listen to the voice of your mind and body without blaming yourself.
Life doesn't always go as planned, but I want to be proud of the choices I made that were the best I could at the time.
I hope that this experience will be of some comfort to those who are anxious about pregnancy and childbirth after the age of 40, those who are tired of the journey of infertility treatment, and those who are wondering "how long they should continue."
As a counselor at EggU, I listen to the stories of many women and feel strongly that everyone has the right to make their own choices, and that all choices should be respected. Above all, I want us to remember that life always holds the potential for unexpected gifts.
I sincerely hope that you will make choices that are true to yourself and that unexpected good fortune will come your way from time to time.
*This column is written based on my personal experience. Pregnancy, childbirth, and infertility treatment are experiences that vary from person to person, so I recommend consulting a specialist to help you make the right choice for you.
📝Writer EggU Counselor Mi-yan's profile is here
After obtaining a nursing qualification in Australia, she experienced marriage, pregnancy, infertility, pregnancy, and childbirth in her late 30s, and struggled with her career and life plans. Currently working as a nurse, she also works as an EggU counselor and career/life coach.
